A right-wing blogger? That's a catch. She should be so lucky.
Women should definately be mindful of left-wing cartoonists though.
Women should definately be mindful of left-wing cartoonists though.
the winnipeg sandbox
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» Do you want a gift certificate for A winnipeg restraunt?
by cobragt Sun Mar 31, 2013 6:12 pm
joke for you
+13
rosencrentz
Sourpuss
Miz point
Jondo
FlyingRat
AGEsAces
SMW
Freeman
GGF
grumpy old man
LivingDead
Bartron
Deank
17 posters
Message [Page 3 of 8]
52 Re: joke for you Wed Apr 28, 2010 10:52 am
Guest
Guest
You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a 'drop off' , (The ground is 18-24 inches below the level you are travelling on), and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you .....
In front of you is a galloping horse , which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it ...
Behind you is a galloping zebra . Both the horse and zebra are also travelling at the same speed as you ...
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation ?
Get off the merry-go-round.
On your left side is a 'drop off' , (The ground is 18-24 inches below the level you are travelling on), and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you .....
In front of you is a galloping horse , which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it ...
Behind you is a galloping zebra . Both the horse and zebra are also travelling at the same speed as you ...
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation ?
Get off the merry-go-round.
53 Re: joke for you Tue May 11, 2010 10:14 am
Guest
Guest
A ship had hit a reef and was taking on more water that the pumps could handle.
The captain send out a message that said that he was sinking.
A short time later a voice with a distictive German accent was heard to respond...
"Vell, vat are yoz zinking?"
The captain send out a message that said that he was sinking.
A short time later a voice with a distictive German accent was heard to respond...
"Vell, vat are yoz zinking?"
55 Re: joke for you Tue May 11, 2010 10:22 am
FlyingRat
moderator
JTF wrote:A ship had hit a reef and was taking on more water that the pumps could handle.
The captain send out a message that said that he was sinking.
A short time later a voice with a distictive German accent was heard to respond...
"Vell, vat are yoz zinking?"
That was on a commercial for English Language Lessons
56 Re: joke for you Tue May 11, 2010 11:23 am
AGEsAces
moderator
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
57 Re: joke for you Tue May 11, 2010 11:32 am
grumpy old man
administrator
Boo! Hiss! 
Did someone declare this BAD joke day? If so, let's have a contest with the first prize being lunch with Deank buying.
Did someone declare this BAD joke day? If so, let's have a contest with the first prize being lunch with Deank buying.
58 Re: joke for you Tue May 11, 2010 2:52 pm
Deank
contributor eminence
LOL AA wins!
that joke is so totally awesome
that joke is so totally awesome
59 Re: joke for you Thu May 13, 2010 9:44 am
LivingDead
general-contributor
THE LIE DETECTOR
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.
The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy..
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair...
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"
The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
60 Re: joke for you Sun May 16, 2010 9:13 pm
grumpy old man
administrator
Too funny...