About sexuality and not having sexuality if you're not participating in some kind of sex act: I thought that being homosexual means being sexually attracted to someone of the same sex - not the act of having sex with someone of the same sex.
As you said, AGEsAces:
MOST kids, at some point, have "experimented" with the same sex. A
shared kiss to see the "experience" or to "practice". A
glance/look/touch out of curiosity.
So ask your kid if they are
gay, and they had just "tried" something with their friend...they will
think they are...and believe they have to live that way from that point
on.
So if someone
feels a great preference for same sex sexual relationships, they may be homosexual. However, they then can choose to
identify as homosexual and
act as homosexual, or not. The actual homosexual sex act might just be exploration.
I really like what you suggest for talking with kids about their sexualities, though. That's what I hope to do with my own kids and with kids that I teach (if they bring it up). In our society, gender is a very prominent identifier. We label and guide kids towards a certain gender. In fact, we insist on it. Along the same lines, we also insist on people identifying with a certain sexuality and are uncomfortable if they do not. Just look at the comments about bisexuality on this forum topic.
My best guy friend came out to me about two years ago. He had lived as a straight person for over twenty years, who actively pursued women, and even had a long, loving, engaged to be engaged,
sexual relationship with a woman. It took him a full 30 minutes of hedging before he finally said, "I'm gay." By this point, I thought he was either going to tell me he was dying or that he was in love with me, so "I'm gay" was really anti-climatic. My response? "Is that it?" Because seriously, that's it. To me, it really was a so what situation because it doesn't change our relationship or his person. He is still the same person. Now, he has decided to pursue relationships with men and identify as gay. However, that identification wasn't and still isn't, to some degree, comfortable. Women are still attractive, even sexually, and while I am comfortable with him not choosing a hard line to stick by, he isn't and neither is most of North America, frankly.
Another thought: if gay people don't come out, most people will assume they're straight because that's the default we've been raised to fall into - in my opinion. Is it any wonder, then, that some homosexual people feel a need to externalize their identity?
).
