a ref apologizes.

http://www.mbmfa.com/pdfs/Referee%20Letter.pdf

A LETTER FROM A FOOTBALL REFEREE
Dear Parents, Coaches, and Players;
I am sorry.
I am sorry that you are so often offended at everything I do. When I don my striped jersey and put on my hat, when I tuck my orange flag into the back pocket of my pants, when I give up my entire weekend so kids can play football, I am sorry that I instantly become your enemy. And I’m sorry that, as it seems many of you believe, I leave my intelligence and my moral integrity at home.
I am sorry that I have spent months and years studying the rules of football, and that I have forgotten more rules than most of you know. I am sorry for all the clinics and hours of meetings I take in every year so that I can get better at what I do. I am sorry I study for the exams and subject myself to evaluations, some of which are harsh, by football officials with more years experience than I have been alive.
I am sorry that you think I would intentionally call a game in favour of one team. Or that I can walk away from a football game and not worry and wonder if the game was called right, that I am not honestly concerned about every single player that gets injured on the field.
I am sorry that you get so mad on the sidelines, when you think you see something that I didn’t, even though you are 60 yards away and I am only 5. Even though I pay for my eye exam every year, I am sorry I don’t have a good enough optometrist.
I am sorry that you don’t think I know the rules, or how to apply the rules. I am sorry that you think I blew the game for your team, when all the while I was acting according to the rules, trying to protect the players on the field. I am sorry that I couldn’t fix the coaching errors or player errors that actually cost you the game.
I am sorry that I am not worthy to be called a “human”, that you think you have the right to treat me like dirt, to yell and scream, to threaten, to challenge my intelligence and integrity, to call me incompetent and blind and dumb. If I wasn’t wearing a striped shirt, you could be charged criminally with harassment or uttering threats.
I am sorry that I have done this for so many years. I am sorry that I have given up so many hours. I am sorry that I cannot please you.
I am sorry that I may “retire” my jersey and give up this hobby that I love. I don’t do this for the money. I do it because I love the game of football and I love seeing kids playing football.
I am sorry that because of the way you treat football officials, there may not be any football officials to watch over your games. And without football officials, there will be no football.
I am sorry.

Great letter. I hope the bozo parents it is intended for read it and "get it"...

unfortunately - this applies in most sports

there have been several matches I have left thinking the same things from volleyball AND soccer.

and yes...referees DO make mistakes...and we DO see things differently from our perspective...or may be watching one part of a play, and not see something happening elsewhere in the game.

and there have been many parents i've wanted to just walk over and hand them my whistle and tell them "you think you know better? you do it!!!"

And the biggest challenge we do face, is rule changes. We are grilled on the new rules that come out each year...so we know how to apply them, and what to watch for. But parents (and many coaches) are not informed enough about rule changes...and want to scream and yell at referees for calls (or lack thereof). Biggest example for me in volleyball: the allowance of using any part of your body to play the ball has been a rule now since the mid-90s. Yet almost any youth match I've done, if a ball bounces off a player's leg or foot...I have heard someone in the crowd start complaining that I should have whistled.

I commend this ref for his letter. Hopefully his venting helped relieve his frustrations and he returns to the field.

I'd like to add on some stuff for the non refs in the volunteer organizations.

I'm sorry I am eating while at the registration desk, but I came here straight from work and will be hear until well after 9PM, I never got to see my family yesterday preparing for this for you and I wont today either, but I am sorry that I need to eat to sustain enough energy to be here for you again in two days.

I'm sorry your VOLUNTEER coach only scheduled one practice every two weeks for your 5 year old soccer, but we had to beg him to do it because no one else "had the time".

I'm sorry that the coach benched your kid for 15 minutes of game time, because you never felt it necessary to bring your kid to practice and he was the only one on the team who did not know what plays were being don.

I'm sorry that I sat in a cold vehicle waiting for you for 1 hour to show up to do a late late late late registration and you never called to apologize that day even but when you called for the next 3 days straight I'm sorry but I simply ignored your phone call.

I'm sorry you think I am your paid employee and that you can yell at me, but as a VOLUNTEER, I'm sorry but I dont have to put up with your crap.

I remember 1 hockey game many years ago, one of the parents (turns out he was the vice-principal) was continually yelling at the ref, and I was too chicken to call him on it!

The game ended and he coralled the 15 year old ref? and continued to blast him.

I have no idea what the community center could have done if they were advised. This guy was 6'4" and incredible.

My brother years ago was in charge of soccer in River Heights, and he reacted when "his" boys were being abused by parents, by warning the coach, and then having the abusive parent removed from the field. He threatened to call the game in favour of the opposing team!

I am glad he had no plans to run for city councillor, although he would have made a good councillor.

That was the way it should be done, only the refs are too green and too intimidated to do that.

Anyone been to any games lately? Any abusive parents?

As I explained to one parent who was visibly distraught when her 11 yr old son's soccer team lost a game and got knocked out of a tournament, remember 2 things: first, these are children and second, this is a game, something thats done for fun, so the reality is she was getting all bent out of shape because of a childs game. She told me with that attitude, our Club would go nowhere. That year, we won 3 out of 6 provincial championships and one team played Ontario and brought home silver at Nationals.

Freeman, so you believe that "some" parents wanting to win is wrong? My God, the kid was 11, and old enough to have his having fun at playing a game taken away!

What kind of stupid parent was that?

What should you say to that bimboe? That is where the problem starts!

Terrible role model if you ask me!

Anyone on a community center board that has a policy of dealing with obsessed parents?

many sports have had to go to the step of making parents sign a parent code of conduct agreement
( here is hockeys but they are all pretty similar)
Spectators:
• Remember that players are not participating in the game to entertain the
parents.
• Spectators should not judge players by professional standards.
• Spectators should maintain their self-control at all times.
• Spectators should demonstrate respect for all officials and their decisions.
• Spectators should demonstrate respect for all participants of the game.
• Spectators should encourage sportsmanship, effort and positive attitudes of all
participants.

rosencrentz wrote:Freeman, so you believe that "some" parents wanting to win is wrong? My God, the kid was 11, and old enough to have his having fun at playing a game taken away!

Where did I say winning or wanting to win is wrong?

Developing a winning mentality is what sports is about, being a dickhead if your kids team loses, is just being a dickhead. Imagine the ride home that kid had. His old lady probably blamed the loss on everyone else, so what kind of respect did he learn from that experience?

Freeman, I agree completely with you! Some parents simply take the fun out of playing the game.

DeanK, regarding that agreement , what happens if a parent is yelling at a referee, and one goes to the candy counter to complain? I don't think that there is anyone anywhere in a community center who would be able to take on a parent?

What do you do, if it is your son who is refing the game? Do you have to sit down behind the person yelling, and tell him that is your son?

That is what I wanted to do, but was too chicken!

the ref can kick the person out and if they refuse to leave cthey can simply tell the coaches the game is not continuing until they are gone the coaches will get rid of them

your first place to complain is t the coach, then convener then cc pres OR you can also go the sports association route

What about a kid winning a race and his father complaining that he should have run faster? lol

quietyou!


bu he should ru. faster.. he has a university education to pay for!

Unfortunately, in soccer, many of the refs are young kids and from my perspective, they don't get a lot of support. The senior refs even have a union. At a disciplinary hearing against a coach, the adult ref was called as a witness and was allowed to have a representative present, but the parties to the complaint are not allowed to have a rep from their club present, but the club can be fined for not having a rep attend the hearing. The senior refs are not concerned about tghe younger kids, as they merely cut into their income.



In youth soccer,a referee can eject a player or a member of the coaching staff, but can't eject a spectator, but can insist that a coach remove an offending spectator. Their recourse is to abandon the game and depending on how much time was played, a winner can still be decided.



I find an incredible double standard, in that there is no support for young refs who, like the players, are learning and bound to make mistakes, but are verbally abused by parents and coaches who think they know the game. On the opposite side, senior refs, who should be displaying some level of proficiency, make bad calls, and when questioned, eject players and coaches at will.



Last year, I witnessed a young female referee leave the field in tears because of the abusive comments by a group of parents. I had her compose herself, walked across the field and told the parents that the game was going to continue, and if necessary, they could watch from the parking lot. One a$$hole father, complained that the ref wasn't calling the "pushing", so I enlightened him that its a contact sport, and to get over it. If he or anyone else had anymore complaints, they could come and talk to me. The game finished without incident.

DeanK- is the University charging for an education today?

Freeman- good for you! That is what is needed as ref's begin to learn, but I bet you that most would just quit, because the abuse isn't worth it!