THAT'S
WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED
..................................................
My
wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And that's when
the fight started
.................................................
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do
you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is
that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time,
simply saying "Yes.."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
friend."
And that's when the fight started ...
..................................................
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet
appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she
said...
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's
when the fight started...
.................................................
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made
my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage...
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out
into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled
back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day...
I
went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that?'
And that's when the fight
started...
...........................................
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from
outside.The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at
the man 'Holy Crap. That must be my husband!'
So the man jumped
out of the bed; scared and naked, jumped out the window. He smashed
himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast
as he could go.
A
few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed
at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah,
then why were you running?'
And that's when the fight started....
.............................................
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Molson
Canadian for $24.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for
$17.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night
than the face cream..
And that's when the fight started......
............................................
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom
mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her
husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's
damn near perfect.'
And that's when the fight started....
.............................................
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,
please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself..."
And that's when the fight
started....
.............................................
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
she sat alone at a nearby table.
My
wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old
girlfriend. 'I understand she took to drinking right after we split up
those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My
God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'
And that's when the fight started....
................................................................
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for my SIN.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's license to verify my age...
I looked in my pockets and
realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was
very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The
woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is
proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at
the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And that's
when the fight started.....
........................................
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I
take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And that's when the fight started....
..........................................
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes
from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.
I
bought her a bathroom scale.
And that's when the fight started....
.........................................
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a
cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy
her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still
haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's when the
fight started....
........................................
